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I’m pregnant! (And…some thoughts on that.)

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Yes, that’s me! Like, yesterday. I’m seventeen weeks pregnant. Baby number 3 will making its way into the world this April. Can you believe that? Me neither.

I was going to tell you weeks ago but I didn’t. And I’m still trying to make sense of why. Of course, I know why I kept it quiet the first trimester. The loss of my pregnancy last summer was painful and made this good news feel heavier, more unsteady.

In my pregnancies with the boys I shared the news right away. Part of that was based on how sick I was with them, how intensely nausea upended my life. When you’re missing appointments and deadlines and throwing up in the most unseemly places for weeks at a time, it makes sense to tell people why.

This time around has been different. My nausea was constant but controllable in the first 15 weeks. I never felt like I couldn’t get out of my bed. I was able to get my kids to school and get (most) of my work done. Because of that, I didn’t have to tell the world; I didn’t have to explain myself.

After years of blogging (and a life of generally being an oversharer), I’ve begun to hold secrets whenever I can. Maybe part of that is maturity, maybe it’s wisdom. Either way, it felt right and almost holy to hold tight to my baby news.

Keeping my pregnancy close also felt like surrender in some ways. There is so little control we have in bringing babies into this world. Will our children be healthy? What will they look like? Girl or boy? Easy-going or demanding? The list goes on and on. Losing my pregnancy last June demanded I hold this carefully. God may be using my body to create this life, but I don’t get to have a say in the process. I have no choice but to surrender, to be grateful for every change in my body, every flutter of movement in me.

So even when I passed the twelve-week mark it was hard for me to believe that it was actually safe to share my news. Is that unhealthy? Wise? For better or for worse, I have learned about the frailty of bringing children into this world.

So yes, I’ve been afraid.

But I’ve also been more aware of the pain women carry with them every day on the interwebs. I am a mother of two healthy boys and I’m four months pregnant. I have plenty to be grateful for. Yet I can still tell you every woman online who has a baby due at the same time my miscarried pregnancy was due this winter. It has been hard to watch them grow.

Now, I’m not saying women shouldn’t share their beautiful, life-changing experiences online. Of course they should instagram pictures of their growing bellies! Of course they should write about their experiences! I just understand a tiny bit more how difficult it is to watch those stories unfold when yours in painful. For every woman sharing the news of her pregnancy online, there is another who has tried for years to get pregnant, who is in the process of In-Vitro, who has lost one or more pregnancies.

Those are heavy things to say on a post about my good news. (I know. Such a downer, Micha!)

But I feel the need to say it: All of life is grace. And how will we hold the grace we’ve been given? Living with gratitude also means living with awareness. It means recognizing the loss and frailty around us.

I want you to know I’m pregnant. I’m thrilled and I’m grateful and I’m still afraid.

And it’s okay to feel all those things at once. This is a beautiful and terrifying world and we believe in a God who loves us and comes close to the beauty and comes close to the terror and brings restoration.

So we’re celebrating around here! And choosing to celebrate is wise, right? Right.

 

 



  • Katie Noah Gibson

    So, so excited for you, friend. And yes, it is scary and beautiful all at the same time. Saying a prayer for you and a healthy baby #3. xoxo

  • Alise

    “Yet I can still tell you every woman online who has a baby due at the same time my miscarried pregnancy was due this winter. It has been hard to watch them grow.”

    I totally get that tension. I had two friends due with sons right at the time that our Elliott should have been born. I’m so happy for them and so jealous of them at the same time. It’s not an easy place to be.

    But HUGE congratulations to you! Praying for a safe, healthy pregnancy and delivery!

    • michaboyett

      So grateful to see your words here, Alise. And blessed by your generosity online. You have suffered this year, friend. And still you offer prayers and cheers for me. Thanks for that gift. It means so much to me. <3

  • Trisha Mugo

    Yaaayyy! My heart is singing for your news. You look so lovely in the photo. Congrats!

  • I have been dying to see a baby bump picture! You look amazing, friend. So happy for you. And your thoughtful words here? I’m sure they will resonate and be appreciated by many.

  • Thank you for sharing your news, Micha. I’m very happy for you and especially glad you are feeling better than during your other pregnancies. It’s beautiful that you think of others who might be hurting, even in the midst of your own excitement. Yes, life is so many different things at once.

  • Tracey

    The joy I hear outweighs the tiny dip my heart could take with your news – it is not your burden to carry for me – only Jesus can help me with that journey. Be joyful and I pray for a healthy pregnancy!

    • michaboyett

      Thanks for being generous with my news, Tracey. I can only imagine how hard it is to hold another’s good news when your own story is painful. I love that wisdom: “only Jesus can help me with that journey.” Yes.

  • First – congratulations! I am so thrilled for you! I love that baby bump. Also – I am glad that you haven’t had the kind of sickness you describe in your book (sounded hard…) But – I also understand when celebration is tinged with other things – like fear, or grief, or empathy for others’ grief. Holding all of this with you. And sending you a whole bunch of love. X

  • Alia_Joy

    Congratulations and you look stunningly beautiful pregnant. And I get it. I am a chronic oversharer too and I’ve taken to holding many things close lately. One of the things I love about your writing is your ability to feel all those things at once because so often it’s portrayed as one or the other but often we feel joy tinged with a little fear, happiness with hesitancy. But yes, we believe in a God who loves us right in and through it all. So happy for you!

    • michaboyett

      Thanks for those generous words about my writing. I’m honored. And grateful for your kind words, Alia.

  • whitney bailey

    your blog has had that distinct first-trimester feel about it, so i’ve been praying for you and your tiny baby. i am delighted to see that you are both growing and strong! may Jesus bless you as you continue to navigate your course between public celebration and private treasurings-up. and may your second trimester be a breeze!

    • michaboyett

      Whitney, I love that my blog has felt “first trimester-ish”…YES. It has. I’ve been going to sleep at 8:30 and watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix instead of writing. It’s been nice. 🙂 So grateful for the prayers.

  • I’m so glad for you, so very very glad. I also understand at least a little bit of the multi-faceted emotions surrounding a pregnancy, and I’m grateful that you’re sharing all of that with us. My heartfelt congratulations. <3

  • Amazing!! Congratulations Micha…ALL of life is grace indeed. xo

  • KatherineAnn

    woo hoo! congrats again, Micha! will keep you and your sweet babe in my prayers.

  • Congratulations, Micha! Celebrating with you, right here.

  • Nicole M.

    Congrats! “All of life is grace” love it!

  • Briana Meade

    Celebrating with you! 🙂

  • michaboyett

    So grateful for all the sweet cheers and all the kind words, people. THANK YOU.

  • pastordt

    Love this, love you, love that babe – so glad I met him/her early on in this lovely, hard, wonderful, frightening process.

  • I’ve been wanting to leave a number of comments on a number of blogs recently, so this is sort of a ‘catch all’, and some of it may be kind of random. First, congratulations on baby! That’s very wonderful news.

    As you take on this new role of leadership with your church, may the Lord pour His blessing on you, Micha, and on your family. You and I know how strongly bolstered we are by our family. Such a gift it is! My heart is full of prayer and hope for you as you step in this role, and may He give you a mind and heart that is set on who you are in Him and the joy He has in you just being you…a joy not dependent on your functional self in your various roles. May I highly recommend “Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership” by Ruth Haley Barton? I have only been introduced to it in recent months, but wish I had it at the onset of service the past 3 years.

    And also, my children LOVE “Wild Kratts” as well. I have all sorts of wild animals around the house. 🙂 Love to you and hugs!